Fear Of Ruining It
Every time I start painting a painting I have no idea where it will take me or what the end result will be. I rarely have a clue as to how the painting will turn out. I recall once starting my painting with darker colors that quickly made the canvas look like a dark piece of nothingness. It was a great lesson in choosing my colors prior to painting. Having said this, I always like to give myself the permission to change my mind and my colors at anytime. I have a right to change my mind and so do you. Intuitive painting is not a straight line. In fact, it is anything but a straight line. It is the fear of the unknown that causes for a painting to seem “ruined” as such and that feeling of fear is exactly what ends of being projected onto the canvas.
The duration of the painting or how long it takes for it to “finish” is not important either. Personally, I feel that I rarely finish a painting. I merely walk away from it when I feel that I have fed my curiosity and that my emotions and feelings have been somewhat honoured during that session. This does not always mean that I will feel happier after painitng. I can start painting feeling angry and frustrated or sad and I can finish that session feeling exactly the same way as I felt when I started. Intuitive painting is not about “fixing” how you feel, but rather honouring how you feel.
Some days, I think that I am “done” with a painting only to feel myself pulled towards it few days later for further changes and exploration. My attention is always on the painting journey and how it feels as opposed to when I will “get there” or whether I have ruined my expectations of what my painting should look like.
The paintings you see below in this post, were both painted by me on large canvasas. One week after I felt that I was done with painting 1, I was drawn back to it again. I didn’t know why. Logically it never makes sense and it’s not meant to when it comes to painting. All I felt was that painting 1 wanted to be more. It wanted to be painting 2.
In the end what matters is not the outcome of your painting as much as the process of your painting. The more you allow yourself to follow your intuition and what feels good as you are painting, without listening to the chattering mental judgmenet, the stronger your intuition and your relationshiop with yourself becomes. You just have to stay committed to the journey and the details will reveal themselves. Your intuiton will not let you down. The key lies in patient and compassionate observation of what is coming up, what is being embraced, released and created through you. Art is art… is art… is art… There is no judgement, but only the creator…
In the words of the beloved Julia Cameron: “Art is not about thinking something up. It is the opposite – getting something down… The creative process is a process of surrender, not control.”